Lessons in London Online Dating (and ‘non’ Dating)

Friends and readers will know I’m historically anti online dating, but I decided to give it a go – thought I’d share some of my experiences from the last month or so… can safely say that I was right all along! So grab a cuppa or a wine and share my pain.

1. Myles. 55. Scottish, lives in West London. He liked me on Hinge – we messaged frequently, him sending me photos of what he was up to (nice ones not those ones!) and guess what he even went old school and called me on more than one occasion. 24 hours before we’re due to meet – he blocked me on WhatsApp. I mean what? He’s an adult! What was the point of that then?
   
   
2. David. 46. Welsh, lives in southeast London. Two weeks of great chat whilst he had Covid… (Hinge for one night and then he gave me his number) and we actually went out on a date! It was a great first date – very easy chat, lots of laughter. Lots of chat the two days after and a second date agreed. The day before the second date he tells me he doesn’t want a relationship. A relationship? It was one date. I wasn’t planning a trip to Hatton Garden any time soon… what happened to just getting to know someone?
   
   
3. John. 46. Enfield. Inadvertently reconnected with someone I’d already decided I didn’t want to date last year. Hashtag awkward.
   
   
4. Adrian. 42. Southeast London. Contacted me online. Turns out he’s local and works in the pub 5 minutes away (fortunately not my actual local…) He asked to meet (via an actual phone call within 24 hours of connecting) – a dog walk in the local park. Day of the date he confessed to lying about playing golf the day before because he was on a date which went well. Asked if I still wanted to meet as he ‘passed through the local park to work between 5.15 and 5.45’ – decided to say no that timeline. To be fair, he’d got an amber flag already for still living with his parents…
   
   
5. Will. 45. Southeast London. Hinge again. Long story short within 24 hours he called me, and we were on the phone for 90 minutes. That’s right 90 minutes on a call with a stranger. Date agreed for the following Tuesday (just three days away from the call). Monday morning, I receive this “sorry, I went out on a second date yesterday and think I’m going to give that a go as I don’t want to mess people around.” I didn’t respond, he’d wasted enough of my time the previous Friday.

These are just five examples in a little more depth. There was also:

• The one who only communicated by emoji…?
• The one who told me he was in Tower Bridge on his way back to Sussex unless he got a better offer and was I the better offer? His profile pic didn’t even feature his head.
• The one who decided to analyse my profile and give me an extremely lengthy write up on the type of person I am (it was positive if not a little weird).

Plus others…

I have gone way beyond thinking this is just about that they’re not into me. The more I hear from men the more I realise they just line women up in case the other one doesn’t work – in fact this a tip being given to me by some of my girlfriends, but I just can’t do it. Unless you go out on both dates and make a decision, you’re actually wasting time. It’s become more like a case of diary management as to who gets in first. Why don’t men date like they used to date pre-social media? Is it because now they have more options and people to choose from online – new women liking them every day and they think that they may be a better option? Is this the modern day ‘playing the field?’

As per recent blog I have been having life coaching sessions (not just about online dating!) with my old work coach and one of the questions she asked was ‘where do I choose to invest my energy?’ And I tell you what – too much of it has been spent on bloody dating apps. So, I’ve switched them off – the amount of time swiping and what’s apping when actually I could just go out and be having fun rather than facing the quite frankly strange behaviours of the male species.

So. I decided to take matters into my own hands. I’ve known someone for a few years to say hello to and then just before Christmas I just asked him out for a beer after the festivities finished. We’re heading out next weekend. It may be more friend zone than boyfriend zone, but I stepped out of the comfort zone anyway and it felt a lot better than swiping.