A couple of months ago I got in touch with the coach I had at my previous perm job – I love Lisa, she’s pragmatically the best person in my life.
I had been thinking about life in general. Blah blah pandemic. But I had chosen to take the limited company / freelancer route before that – was working at home and doing well – but my choices had been taken away and I was wondering what I was doing really. Working all day, in my flat, going out for a walk with my dog, randomly finding an introvert side I never knew existed. My new favourite acronym of JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) to just stay in. What on earth have I become?
Hence, calling Lisa.
We had a good session. As ever with a coaching session you don’t end up really talking about what you think you were going to talk about. I realised I was getting fed up. I’ve been living on my own for (a while) but the last two years really brought home how much I have been on my own.
I know I’m not the priority for friends and family. Friends have their own family and family have their own families. I’m the only child from my parents but have three siblings from Mum’s first marriage. I didn’t hear from one of those siblings throughout the entire pandemic which was sad. Another close friend from pre-2019 more or less verbally through text attacked me – she was vicious. In the meantime, I was living in pandemic hell. And I was upset.
Then through my coaching – short story – we concluded: where are you investing your energy to get value in your life? And I tell you what… not through agonising about people not in your life. There’s no energy to dating apps. There’s no energy to people not responding to your messages. There’s no energy to people not checking in. There’s no energy to waiting for people when you want to do something.
The energy comes from what I choose to do with my life. I’m single with my best friend – my Rex Collie dog.
So, rather than getting upset. I just thought – whatever. Nothing is a family or friendship breaker but from here on in – I don’t need to ask for permission, I don’t need to wait for people to respond, I don’t need to fret about relationships that other people have chosen to end. I’ve lived alone through a pandemic, and I’ve learned things I never knew about myself – so I’m just going to do whatever the hell I like – if people fancy coming along that’s great – if they don’t – it’s ok, I’m going to have fun anyway.
Uncorking The Finer Things 
Hi Terri,
Thank you for sharing.
I have had a partner through COVID (human and dog!) but it has been friends that have drifted in and out as you describe but oddly, one I had cut out 7 years ago after she lied regularly but then lied about having a child even though she had had a hysterectomy years earlier (and I had been through fertility treatment) contacted me, demanding to know why I wasn’t in contact (took her long enough!). This opened up so many horrible memories but also made me feel guilty, but, like you, I think it’s taught me to let go and to trust my intuition. She wasn’t a friend and I am doing fine without her.
Take care and enjoy!
Terri – you’ve done so well with your new career and new dog preCovid. I’m sorry things have been hard – but you are so positive. Everyone’s perspectives have shrunk over the past two years, and walking our dog (we lost our dear old Millie last March) have given me the only opportunity to talk to people! So hang on. You have been a star and will be again. Stay safe and cuddles to Rex.
Hey – so lovely to hear from you! It’s been such a long time. I’m ok – on reflection that blog sounded quite negative but actually the pandemic has ended up being a positive eye opener, I’m ok. Still so sad about gorgeous Millie, you were our first friends when Rexy boy arrived, hope you’re ok, always here xx