I’ve just come to the realisation, following today’s news that I am an extrovert in an introvert’s world.
I can no longer go to a pub, bar, restaurant or gym in London. I am single. I have a dog (thank the lord otherwise I’d totally lose my sanity). I have a lovely flat. I can cook. I have food in. I have plenty of wine. I stopped smoking months ago. But the one thing I know I will crave during this ‘lockdown’ is human contact.
Every so often I see ‘introvert’ posts on Twitter and the like about how you’re meant to deal with them… nobody ever says that about an extrovert. Because apparently we’re fine. We head off and just FIND PEOPLE and interact and all that. Don’t worry about your mate [extrovert] he/she is ok, they have loads of friends they’re fine. Apparently extroverts don’t need a ten point check list of how to deal with them but in times like this, I think it’s tougher for the E side.
Almost two years ago I chose to leave my job and work from home and I’d never change it. But when you’re ‘forced’ to be at home it’s a different matter. When I can’t go to the pub for a change of scenery or a different conversation with my pub pals… when I can’t pop to my friend’s house as she works in the city and has a child… when I can’t pop to breakfast with a mate because she has some underlying health issues… when people can’t just pop round unexpected… when it’s highly unlikely I can now meet anyone in the next few months… and to top that point, I’d had a successful screen test for the First Dates programme last week which would have been amazing…. So not even that will happen in the foreseeable!
In fact, I have three months (at least by the sound of it) of learning what it means to be on my own. I’ve been ‘solo’ for four years (we know the story, by choice for three blah blah blah) but I’ve never been on my own and now I’m a little freaked out by this.
I brush it off by saying ‘well, if I was living with someone I’d probably be divorced by the end of this’ but the reality is what happens if anything happens to me in the next three months? Nobody can come and drop off vegetable soup, well they can leave it on the door I suppose… Who looks after me if things go wrong? Who looks after Rex?
It’s a little worrying. I think my parents are already resigned to daily calls because if I spend the whole day only speaking to Rex I’m seriously going to lose it – although thank the lord he keeps me calm. I think some of you may find this a bit tongue in cheek but I’m serious – extroverts need company and they need purpose and they don’t wallow and they don’t hide behind things. They’re expressive and need to share.
So I’ve set myself a list of ‘things’ jobs and fun stuff I’ve been meaning to do for ages, like a whole day reading my amazing History of Vogue and Glastonbury at 50 books; like studying for my Italian Wine Scholar exam , like finally finishing my club journal, like finding new music and remembering the old classics, like continuing with my garden plans, like getting trim, like cooking new recipes and getting back to how good I was on the clarinet.
Unfortunately for all of you, I’m going to have to write about it and share it, because if I don’t then I will have the same pressures that others do when they don’t want to talk about things.
Wish me luck over the next three months but even better PLEASE FACETIME ME!