Choices Choices

As a single person it’s actually illegal for me to date someone right now. Unless he’s in my social bubble but let’s face it, if he was and I was interested (and him of course) I’d already be dating him. No mixing of households so (sorry parents for letting on that maybe I’ve done this in the past) but that also means no one or two night stands.

The nights are getting darker, restrictions still in force and I’m more than prepared for the fact that winter is coming. I have plans for the winter, all the lockdown plans I tore up because I didn’t have any lockdown time have been retrieved, because the difference with winter is that I don’t have the sunshine filled days to grow things in the garden, and walk Rex for hours on end.

And the one thing I’m going to do is get myself ‘Covid-free ready’ and by that I mean back to the gym, back to my usual trim self and back ready to get out there as soon as the world allows us to meet new people again.

And so today I’ve been thinking about the kind of person I would like to meet and to be honest I’m quite torn.

And let me tell you why.

I’m generally 45 going on 30. I love festivals and gigs, I love going out and getting more than pleasantly hammered with the girls (and with my boy pals too). I can quite easily of an evening with friends and even on my own throw on the tunes and dance and sing the night away. I’m an incredibly social person and can always be guaranteed to meet people at the aforementioned gigs and festivals. In the ‘good old days’ I’d be able to sit at my local and within an hour or so be chatting to the group on the table next to me – in one instance leading to Bloody Marys being given out for free by the landlord around midnight as a thank you for our custom that evening…

In Covid times I think I’m 45 going on 45 and we all know what that means – nearly 50. Hell that feels old right? I’m calmer this year than I ever have been, I like my own company and space more than ever but I miss other company and being part of another space more than ever. I’ve settled into my own routine, I work hard (I’ve had one full week off since January) and I’m watching Netflix more than ever whilst also keeping myself entertained with Rexy boy and general pottering around.

But at some point, one day, we’re going to be allowed to go out again, without face masks. The rule of six will disappear and we’ll be allowed to physically hug people again, or as in the case of dating, pop an arm to their waist to show we’re interested, sit close to each other on a bar stool and have a sip of each other’s cocktail and I want to be ready for that.

But what am I looking for?

I guess, in theory and I think most of my friends would say, my ideal would be a 45 going on 30 person. Someone I know who will come out with me and then stop off at the nearest pub for a few hours. Someone who will come to a festival with me and my two festival pals and just fit right in. Someone who will do that and won’t mind when I wander off and make new festival friends. Someone who will just give me free reign to do what I fancy. Someone who I get absolutely hammered with indoors on a Saturday singing Meat Loaf duets. Maybe classified as a bit of rough…

But then I think actually, maybe it’s someone different. I quite like the idea of 45 i.e. who is 45 going on 45 (-50), an elegant man, who is suave, sophisticated, where we eat amazing food – whether that’s cooking indoors or going out to an amazing restaurant, always drink amazing wine. He’d still love live music but we’d glamp without question or he’d just whisk me away to some pad and we’d go back into the festival the next day. Maybe I just want to feel grown up and looked after by a man.

A couple of years ago I went on a typically raucous hen party. On the second night we identified Gabby Logan as a classy woman… (not sure how we whittled it down but we did). Would Gabby ever get hammered in public? Would Gabby ever walk to the local shop without her hair being washed or wearing tracky bottoms?

So, with time on my hands I started thinking about what I was after.

Should I be looking for an Adrian Lester, a Lance Reddick, a Daniel Craig, a Cillian Murphy, an Idris Elba or should I be looking for a Tom Meighan, or Cillian Murphy as Tommy Shelby or a Jason Momoa (to be fair all out of my league but that’s not the point!)

Is it possible to find a bit of both? I’m at the age where I think I could go either way…

And how do I make a decision? 45 going on 30? Or 45 going on 45? Or, actually is the real question… am I just having a mid life wonder about the type of woman I want to be?