I like structure. I get agitated without it.
Over the past two weeks I’ve had workmen in creating a brand new shower room for me and I am pleased to say it looks absolutely fabulous, a world apart from what it was before to where it is now. I’m really pleased with it. It was the last thing I needed to do in my pad and it was finished in the week of my 3rd year anniversary here!
The fitters turned up faithfully at 8am every morning, and from that moment I was without ‘amenities’ for the whole day so basically I had to go out. My good friend Sue gave me the keys to her house so every morning around 9am I’d go to hers to shower. And then after that I was just a bit muddled.
I had lots to do. I have my French Wine Scholar course to study for. I have a business plan to write -after all I do have to forge a career at some point! I have a garden I need to get ready for winter. A dog that needs walking. Plenty of tv to watch as I’m going to lose it all once Sky Q arrives in a week or so. I had huge issues with British Gas that seemed to take up a lot of time. I’m in the process of writing up two very different books. I still have basic admin to do. I’m also about four issues behind in my Vogue magazine reading! Some more important stuff vs more downtime stuff but even so – with the exception of walking Rex I couldn’t do any of it really.
My career was based on communicating change. I loved it. Still do. But I had a tried and tested technique to do it. Likewise, over recent weeks I’d got myself into a good routine here at home getting ready for my new life and when it changed for two weeks I struggled. I know I can always adapt, I think my friends would say I’m pretty resilient but not in the short term!
I did have a couple of super days with my friend Marcia at her pad in Hertfordshire, a weekend at my friend Sarah’s and a lovely day out at Camber Sands taking advantage of the October sun. And even then, I wasn’t happy knowing that my home was in someone else’s hands.
To combat the course prep I went to my local – they know me and Rex well and we ended up with a friends and family card which was lovely and very useful in my current non-employed state! They let me just sit there with a glass or two of (20% discounted) wine and lunch revising for the course with Rex sat by my side (or on the table looking out of the window – this is literally his favourite position).
I really wish I could be that kind of person who in effect would have just treated those two weeks as two weeks off and gone out every day on big walking adventures with Rex but I’m just not. I’m someone who if they’re not dealing with their to-do list I feel a little out of control. I have to feel like I achieve significant things every day. Let’s be honest I’ve had over three months off! And whilst I didn’t really plan to work full time for the rest of the year, October was always going to be the month that I started planning and I wasn’t doing it. So I was frustrated. And agitated.
Last Friday was an intense day (and I get it doesn’t sound like it!) I’d made plans to watch the Bohemian Rhapsody movie, I adore Queen and I really wanted to see it. I did go.
But I was feeling panicky. The recognisable chest pains demonstrating anxiety were there. My car was in the garage not sounding good. British Gas were the despair of me. The bathroom fitters were saying that it might be Saturday. I was wondering about a job I’d pitched for. My brand new leather jacket had just split down the seam. I’d left Rex at the flat and I was constantly worried that they’d open the gate and he’d dart out without them realising.
But somehow in about three hours all these worries disappeared. Once I got home in my repaired car with a new lifetime guarantee on the brakes, British Gas finally making a sensible offer, All Saints saying just come in and we’ll exchange no problem, Rex most definitely ok at home and the bathroom definitely finished. Bohemian Rhapsody was amazing and out of nowhere it was all ok again.
And then that was it. I was free and clear.
I spent all of Friday night and Saturday morning (from 06.50am!) cleaning the flat, getting rid of the dust and making it my home again. I spent time in the garden getting it ready for the end of the year. Sunday I just revelled in my own space, cooking a huge Sunday roast for me and Rex whilst watching Lewis Hamilton win his 5th title. The news from Leicester City was a sad reflective moment for us as that’s my home city.
However, at the end of today (Tuesday) – I have my business plan of attack written. It doesn’t look the most professional but it’s only me that needs to follow it so that’s ok.
My structure is back. My feet are grounded again. I’m Feeling the Rain – a line I use to demonstrate that we’re alive and in the room and ready to get on with life. Let’s crack this!